What Exactly Did He Find?

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor and approval from the Lord."
— Proverbs 18:22 (AMP)

Last week, I posed a question that has been sitting with me for quite some time:

What if finding "the good thing" was never the destination?

What if it was only the beginning?

This week, I want to take us one step deeper.

Because before we can understand the favor attached to Proverbs 18:22, we must first understand what was found.

Notice what the verse does not say.

It does not say:

"He who finds a beautiful woman..."

It does not say:

"He who finds a successful woman..."

It does not say:

"He who finds a wealthy woman..."

It does not even say:

"He who finds a compatible woman..."

It says:

"He who finds a wife..."

At first glance, that distinction may seem insignificant.

I no longer believe it is.

Because a wife is more than a female.

A wife is more than a relationship status.

A wife is more than a wedding ceremony.

The word itself speaks of covenant.

Commitment.

Stewardship.

Sacred responsibility.

And perhaps that is why Scripture uses the word finds.

The more I think about it, the more interesting that word becomes.

Finding is different from choosing.

Finding is different from wanting.

Finding is different from pursuing.

You can pursue something and never truly find it.

You can choose something and never fully recognize its value.

You can possess something and still not understand what you have been entrusted with.

Finding carries the idea of discovery.

Recognition.

Revelation.

A realization that what is before you contains more than you originally understood.

I have often wondered if many people enter marriage believing they have found a person, only to discover over time that they have actually found a mirror, a teacher, a partner, a sanctifier, and a witness.

Marriage has a way of revealing things.

Not only about the person beside you.

But about yourself.

It reveals patience.

Or the lack of it.

It reveals selfishness.

Or generosity.

It reveals wounds.

Fears.

Expectations.

And if we allow God to work, it reveals grace.

This is one reason I believe Proverbs 18:22 deserves deeper examination.

Because what was found was never merely a person.

What was found was a covenant partner through whom God would accomplish things neither person could fully see on the wedding day.

Thirty-six years ago, I thought I knew what I was saying yes to.

I did not.

Not completely.

I knew I loved Clint.

I knew we desired a life together.

I knew we wanted to build something meaningful.

But I could not have fully known the ways God would use our covenant to shape us, stretch us, heal us, challenge us, and reveal Himself to us.

Some discoveries take decades.

Perhaps that is why the language of finding feels so appropriate.

Because in healthy marriages, the finding never really stops.

You discover each other in new seasons.

You discover strengths that were hidden.

You discover resilience you did not know existed.

You discover grace where you once expected perfection.

And sometimes you discover that what God called "good" was far deeper than what you initially saw.

Which brings me to a question that has been growing louder in my own heart:

What if the true discovery was never simply the wife?

What if the greater discovery was what covenant would make possible?

For now, I will leave you with that thought.

And with a statement that continues to unfold in me:

She is not the reward.

She is the doorway.

We'll begin exploring that next week.

— Kathy Britt